Conductor

One day, a train conductor is walking down the aisle making sure everyone has a ticket.

As he’s making his way down he sees the mayor, he asks the mayor for his ticket and the mayor says “dang I must’ve forgotten it in my car” and the conductor says “no ticket, no ride” and he throws the mayor out of the train which kills him instantly.

In court he is sentenced so death by electric char.

When they ask him what his last wish is, he asks for a banana.

They give it to him, he does a perfect 3 peel and eats it in one bite.

Then they turn on the electric chair to 25% power for 10 minutes.

At the end of 10 minutes, he’s still alive so they let him go.

He goes back to work and as he’s collecting tickets, he sees the president and he asks for his ticket.

The president says “dang I must’ve left it in my other pants” and the conductor says “no ticket, no ride” and throws the president out of the train and kills him instantly.

When he goes to court they’re like ugh you agin!? And sentence him to the electric chair.

He asks for a banana again and does a perfect 3 peel and eats it in one bite. Then they turn the chair on to 50% power for 30 minutes.

At the end of 30 minutes, he’s still alive.

And so they let him go. Then he goes back to work and while collecting tickets he sees the pope.

And when he asks the pope for his ticket, the pope says “heck I must’ve left it in my other robe” and the conductor says “no ticket, no ride” and he throws the pope out the train and kills him.

Then when he goes to court they just roll their eyes and give him the banana.

He does a perfect 3 peel and eats it in one bite.

Then they turn the chair to full power for an hour.

After the hour they have to let him go, but before he leaves, the executioner asks him “how do you keep surviving?”

And the man says with a big grin on his face “I guess I’m not a very good conductor!”