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Clean Jokes

Two Old Friends

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them:

“Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn’t turn up.”

“Sure.” They said. “You’re welcome.”

So they started playing and enjoyed the game and the company of the newcomer.

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Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer.

“What do you do for a living?”

He replied, “I’m a hitman.”

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“You’re joking!” was the response.

“No, I’m not,” reaching into his golf bag.

Pulling out a beautiful sniper’s rifle with a large telescopic sight.

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“Here are my tools.”

“That’s a beautiful telescopic sight.” Said the other friend.

“Can I take a look? Think I might be able to see my house from here.”

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So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house.

“Yeah, I can see my house all right. This site is fantastic.

I can see right in the window. Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom.

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Ha Ha, I can see she’s undressed! What’s that? Wait a minute, that’s my neighbour in there with her. He’s undressed as well! The b!tch!”

He turned to the hitman. “How much do you charge for a hit?”

“I do a flat rate, for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger.”

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“Can you do two for me now?”

“Sure, what do you want?”

“First, shoot my wife, she’s always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth.

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The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still for a few minutes.

“Are you going to do it or not?” Said the friend impatiently.

“Just wait a moment. Be patient.” Said the hit man calmly.

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“I think I can save you a thousand dollars here!”

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