A Man Wants To Kill His Wife

So he makes some discreet enquiries, and learns of a hit man who goes only by the name of Arthur.

He contacts him, and they agree on a price of £1, which is paid up front.

The man tells Arthur that his wife shops at Tesco on Saturday mornings.

That Saturday, Arthur goes to the Tesco, sees his mark, comes up behind her, and in one smooth motion slips a garrote over her neck and kills her.

However, a store employee saw this and came running over, bad move, he too ends up garrotted.

Arthur realizes he has to move quickly, and heads to the exit.

The store manager has seen what happened, and is coming down toward Arthur.

He’s hoping his few years in the army a decade ago serve him well, but he is no match for Arthur, who as they grapple, manages to get his hands around the managers neck and squeeze the life out of him.

Arthur heads for the exit, but there are 2 security guards. He tries to barrel past, but they are having none of it.

They scuffle, Arthur gains the upper hand, and one of the guards is dead, the garrote limp around his neck, but then the second guard manages to smash Arthur’s head against the wall, and he goes down, unconscious.

The police are called, and justice begins to run its course.

The headline in the next day’s local paper reads: Artie Chokes 4 for £1 in Tesco’s.